Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Taking the first step

I am scared....I don't know where to begin, I am afraid to begin.  I am afraid of failing like I have so many times before.  Yet that picture horrifies me, who is that person in the picture holding my grandson.

Yesterday we took my grandson to the children's museum; we had a great time.  They have one of those large chairs that make you feel child size when you sit in it.  I crawled up on the chair, scooted back and sat my grandson between my legs so my daughter could take a picture of us.  What I saw later as I went through the pictures is something that horrified me.  I didn't recognize the person in the photo.  Who was that woman?  It looked like she was wearing one of those inflatable floating rings you use for swimming around her waist under her t-shirt.  I just wanted to cry, I knew I was gaining weigh, I could see it in the mirror and my family has ever so lovingly has told me I need to take off some weight.  But as much as I agreed with them I just couldn't seem to get in the right frame of mind to do something about it.  Why is that????

As I look at the picture I realize how disgusting it is (I am too embarrassed to post the picture just yet).  I can't ask the question "how did I get to this point?"  I know the science of how I got here - obsession with food and lack of exercise.  But what I don't know is the mental side of it.  I used to care about myself.  I used to exercise and and loved the challenge.  I used to want to keep everything in order, and now - I just seems like it is way too much effort.

So my journey begins....to get fit one step at a time....body, mind and soul and this is the first step.  I want to put my journey out there to reach out for support from others who have already walked this path and to maybe help encourage those who haven't yet began their journey.

As they say "there is power in numbers".


9 comments:

  1. Well, hi, Sheryl!

    Funny, as I type this the song, "Your Grace Still Amazes Me" began to play. :)

    I read you "About Me", so I know you know Jesus--which means you probably know that song. In this weight loss extravaganza we've been on, there is one thing--no two things--that are consistent for me.

    One is my continual loss and regain of the same 10 pounds as I try to make my way down to 172 pounds. (I'm currently sitting at 215)

    Two is God's continual love and grace towards me. Considering the path I've taken, His Grace certainly amazes me.

    I've taken the summer off from blogging, but still read a couple of blogs--Lyn's being one of them. It is there that I found you.

    Just so you know a bit about me, I began blogging in Sept. 2009 at the weight of 220 pounds (Not my highest weight). I lost down to 169 pounds by summer of 2010 and felt really good..normal, even...tho I wanted to get to 152. (II'm a hair under 5'5" tall)

    I stayed at 169 for almost 10 minutes. Yeah.

    I hovered in the 170s for a while, then the low 180s, then had a miserable, slow-healing surgery the day before Thanksgiving and could do little activity until March. If I recall correctly, my over-the-holidays confinement got me into the 190s. (The actual sad song is on my sidebar under the page, "The Full Scale Drama" if you'd like to feel better about your own struggle. )

    At any rate since that 2010/11 regain, I have started my diet almost every morning...and ended it most every night in front of the TV with a bowl of ice cream. It's not been pretty.

    And God's Grace still amazes me.

    I'll be following along and praying for you. Fell free to check out my old posts, but be aware that I scrub my blog every few months and delete the repetitive (Often gnashing of teeth) posts and most posts that have nothing to do with weight loss so that I can look back reread substantive posts without wading thru my blatherings. (I do blather...) You'll find before photos there. One of which is me at 252 pounds. It's quite hideous.

    The Lord and I are working some things out--it's a surrender to God's will, dying to self kind of thing that I'll post about in September, if haven't been caught up, that is. :D.

    May the Lord satisfy your mouth with good things, renewing your youth in the process,

    Deb

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  2. One bit of advice: stay away from Lyn's blog. All you're going to read there is the same recycled lies and half-hearted empty promises to "really do it...Monday." Along with justifications,excuses, recipes for "salad" made with Snickers bars and marshmallows, and a chorus of other obese women telling her that it's "success" she's "only" gained back 72 of the 100 pounds she lost (which, by the way, did not get her to her "ideal weight," as you wrote in your comment -- 178 pounds is not an ideal weight for a woman). Lyn is a cautionary "what NOT to do" tale for someone in your position; however, she is slimily charismatic and incredibly smug (and a liar), so it's easy to see that a new reader might fall for her repetitive rhetoric and empathize with her overly dramatic descriptions of how all her "special" medical issues make it "impossible" for her to lose weight. Find the blogs of people who actually made nutrition and exercise and HONESTY their priorities; who have lost weight, kept it off -- who have gained their HEALTH, who do not fear change or hard work, who are not looking for the magic bullet that will let them eat carnival food and lounge in a recliner all day while the pounds melt off. Lyn has NOTHING to offer; more than likely she and her little peanut gallery will keep you in the "a few bites don't count," or "it's a special occasion, so I SHOULD eat All the Things" mentality that got you to wherever you are now. It amazes me how many "devout" Christians who think this or that "offends" their God somehow feel that gluttony and sloth and willful destruction of the one miraculous body they have been gifted are somehow "okay" and "human" whilst constantly slamming others for their perceived "sins."

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    1. Also really disturbing that your comment verification, rather than typing a word or characters, is to identify pictures of FOOD (I got hamburgers and bread) to prove that I'm "not a robot." Very telling.

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    2. And that time, I got "noodles or pasta" to identify. So far, all terrible, nutritionally-devoid, easily overeaten starches. I bet this time I get chips!

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    3. And then I had to identify "sandwiches" displayed alongside photos of chocolates, cupcakes, etc...wow, woman...talk about food obsession/triggers....scary.

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    4. I thank you for your suggestion and will take it under advisement. Since you are so brave to make your comments anonymously I can't thank you for letting me know that my comment verification was showing food and not words. There is truth in your words that we don't take care of the body God has blessed us with which is the reason for this blog - but remember we all fall short - we are all sinners. I don't know your history, I don't know if you have had the struggle of losing weight, fighting the war on over eating. If you have and have over come it, wonderful you know how hard it is. If you haven't you want want to back off the tongue lashing.

      By the way - I got it the first time you told me what the comment verification was doing.

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    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    6. Here ya go: http://debwillbefree.blogspot.com/2015/03/middle-school-mean-girls-adult-version.html

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  3. Hi Sheryl, I came here via Lyn's blog and would like to wish you well. I'm shocked and upset to read the vile outpourings of anonymous in your comments. Lyn certainly doesn't deserve such vitriol and if this is what she has been having to cope with on her own blog, little wonder she is considering retiring from blogging. I, for one, will really miss her if she does stop and I know I'm not alone in this. Ignore the 'advice' from cowardly anonymous and good luck, I wish you every success x

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